Front Office Box Users » Jokes

What’s Better Than Reading Going Rogue

stevensreeves — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:39:59 +0000

Courtesy of Countdown, again.

Late Night Palination.

stevensreeves — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:35:13 +0000

Courtesy of MSNBC Countdown a selection of clips from the late shows

Reports: Fla. store workers taken hostage (msnbc.msn.com)

Soccer A Game for Gentlemen Played by Ruffians

stevensreeves — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:53:32 +0000

How scary is this? Brought to my attention by Marc Jeanson

Front Office Box Help Line

stevensreeves — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:42:04 +0000

Download now or listen on posterous

School.mp3 (592 KB)

Listen on Posterous – Click Play for the recorded message (btw) this is a joke!

Easily Offended? Then Don’t Watch This

stevensreeves — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:51:52 +0000

Courtesy of Phil Dunn this is eye wateringly funny with high propensity to offend.

Cheri Blair’s Chauffeur

stevensreeves — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:58:06 +0000

Warning – this is a joke

Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on
and the car comes to a stop.Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

‘You get out and check – you were driving. ‘

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

‘You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ‘ says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with
a big grin on his face.

‘My god, what happened to you? ‘asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ‘ When I got there, the farmer opened
his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the
daughter made love to me.

‘What on earth did you say? ‘asks Cherie.

‘ I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:

‘ I’m Cherie Blair’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the cow.

Management Training in Five Easy Lessons

stevensreeves — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:57:27 +0000

Warning – this is a joke enjoy

Welcome to 3 Minute Management Course training in preparation for the First quarter of 2009 in 5 easy lessons.Lesson 1 of 5

A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when the Doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. She opens the door to Fred, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Fred says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Fred.

After a few seconds, Fred hands her $800 and leaves.

Wrapping herself in the towel, as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Fred the next door neighbor’ she replies.

‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders (and Management team), in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2 of 5

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

As she sat in the car, she could not help but reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

He removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak’.

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3 of 5

A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie pops out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish’.

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk.

‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world’.

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life’.

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up’, the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’.

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4 of 5

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5 of 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

This ends the 3 minute management course, now get back to work

Gordon and the Dead Donkey

stevensreeves — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:56:04 +0000

Warning- this is a joke enjoy.

Here’s a bit of fun to brighten a dull day with a special resonance for UK based members – published courtesy of Andy Boddice.

Gordon and the donkey

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news… the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he’s dead.’

Gordon replied, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘I can’t do that, because I’ve spent it already.’

Gordon said, ‘OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’

Gordon answered, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

To which the farmer exclaimed, ‘Surely you can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, ‘Of course I can, I just won’t bother to tell anybody that he’s dead.’

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Gordon said, ‘I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a huge, fat profit!!’

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, ‘Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?’

To which Gordon replied, ‘The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was great guy!!’

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer and then Prime Minister – and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you’ll be better off flogging a dead donkey